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Man or woman?

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

#21375070
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (2376)

On 03/15/2015 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29320) - you deserved it (7872)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

#21374998
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37896) - you deserved it (1815)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm - kids - by pledonasm (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

#21374413
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30066) - you deserved it (2214)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

#21374314
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30461) - you deserved it (2518)

On 03/14/2015 at 7:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

#21374137
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30994) - you deserved it (3274)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eddy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

#21373989
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (17884)

On 03/13/2015 at 6:39pm - misc - by jking2z (man) - United States

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

#21373875
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23891) - you deserved it (22540)

On 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

#21372587
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25054) - you deserved it (2152)

On 03/11/2015 at 4:15pm - work - by KillMePlease (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

#21371880
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101) - you deserved it (3814)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:43pm - kids - by LameChef (man) - Poland

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

#21370481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (21)

On 03/08/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

#21370427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89) - you deserved it (2573)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:41am - animals - by no salt, no burning, just STFU (man) - United States

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

#21369784
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34312) - you deserved it (2364)

On 03/07/2015 at 5:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)



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