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Man or woman?

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

#21443212
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12498) - you deserved it (37891)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

#21443162
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26487) - you deserved it (3212)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

#21443044
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21907) - you deserved it (5109)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by IssacB (man) - United States

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

#21443043
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23649) - you deserved it (2406)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm - misc - by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

#21442628
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24682) - you deserved it (2191)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

#21441952
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26012) - you deserved it (2741)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Teste (man) - Spain

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

#21440819
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25641) - you deserved it (1741)

On 07/13/2015 at 1:06am - work - by Wolfrunner87 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

#21440427
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (5296)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:25am - kids - by brichard22 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

#21439888
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14195) - you deserved it (33772)

On 07/11/2015 at 2:13am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

#21439858
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (16293)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

#21439786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25989) - you deserved it (3678)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

#21439774
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27123) - you deserved it (1997)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm - work - by don't get paid enough for this (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

#21439756
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35574) - you deserved it (1699)

On 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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