Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

#21509335
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (4807)

On 12/30/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

#21509323
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17801) - you deserved it (2560)

On 12/30/2015 at 8:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

#21509012
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22559) - you deserved it (1399)

On 12/29/2015 at 9:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

#21508983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23927) - you deserved it (2419)

On 12/29/2015 at 6:07am - love - by Alien (man) - Switzerland

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

#21508974
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22879) - you deserved it (1705)

On 12/29/2015 at 4:49am - misc - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML

#21508578
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (1666)

On 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

#21508192
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20988) - you deserved it (1437)

On 12/26/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Santa Catarina)

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

#21508071
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21931) - you deserved it (1964)

On 12/26/2015 at 12:37pm - money - by buttfingers (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

#21507994
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21432) - you deserved it (3873)

On 12/26/2015 at 3:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

#21507931
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19168) - you deserved it (1677)

On 12/25/2015 at 11:24pm - work - by well scrooge you too (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

#21507692
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26158) - you deserved it (1403)

On 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm - misc - by probably on death row soon (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after 6 years, two raises and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

#21507361
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (1742)

On 12/24/2015 at 3:52pm - money - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

#21507325
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20575) - you deserved it (1374)

On 12/24/2015 at 2:01pm - health - by yek (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: