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Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

#21162885
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45254) - you deserved it (3577)

On 06/04/2014 at 3:30pm - misc - by Off_Road (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

#21162663
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42159) - you deserved it (3497)

On 06/04/2014 at 10:34am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

#21161740
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44493) - you deserved it (4189)

On 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm - misc - by mdsfkljsfsdrewr (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30649) - you deserved it (9093)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49640) - you deserved it (4114)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

#21159568
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38979) - you deserved it (3700)

On 06/01/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by not paid enough (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46772) - you deserved it (4933)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50720) - you deserved it (7123)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (3616)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44074) - you deserved it (8295)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

#21157433
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36989) - you deserved it (4307)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:33pm - misc - by save me (man) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57316) - you deserved it (6321)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40695) - you deserved it (9471)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)



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