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Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17021) - you deserved it (12537)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28840) - you deserved it (2594)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28011) - you deserved it (1735)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

#21446817
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21294) - you deserved it (2989)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13127) - you deserved it (24360)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." 2 hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

#21446551
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22058) - you deserved it (4797)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Northern Mariana Islands

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26367) - you deserved it (2540)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

#21446247
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24174) - you deserved it (9864)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by stargate25 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (1807)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24620) - you deserved it (5083)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

#21445449
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16176) - you deserved it (23768)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm - health - by Anonypiss (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

#21445231
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23856) - you deserved it (1471)

On 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm - work - by geek (man) - United States (Washington)



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