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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29170) - you deserved it (9740)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31756) - you deserved it (3271)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

#21353677
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28954) - you deserved it (2480)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm - money - by Firewielder (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25708) - you deserved it (4868)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

#21352803
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31273) - you deserved it (3746)

On 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27305) - you deserved it (6177)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32428) - you deserved it (2098)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (4815)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21349595
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35232) - you deserved it (4164)

On 02/04/2015 at 10:16am - intimacy - by Grrrreat (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

#21349488
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29383) - you deserved it (2220)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Sprinkles (man) - Australia

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

#21348539
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43776) - you deserved it (2604)

On 02/02/2015 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by StantheMan93 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

#21348144
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31350) - you deserved it (2024)

On 02/02/2015 at 1:41am - work - by CalledOut (man) - United States (Washington)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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