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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29723) - you deserved it (6090)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27301) - you deserved it (3673)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

#21333682
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26810) - you deserved it (2163)

On 01/08/2015 at 11:40pm - work - by notahero (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

#21332664
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34352) - you deserved it (5124)

On 01/07/2015 at 12:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I thought one of my flatmates was beating his girlfriend, so I barged in about to stop him. Turned out they were having really rough sex. FML

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

#21332250
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25945) - you deserved it (3799)

On 01/06/2015 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

#21330614
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35509) - you deserved it (2971)

On 01/04/2015 at 11:58am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

#21330417
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29804) - you deserved it (1990)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:52am - work - by boss stabber (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34372) - you deserved it (6140)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (1779)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

#21329998
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29044) - you deserved it (2383)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - health - by Chicagoillinois (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

#21329640
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26738) - you deserved it (4019)

On 01/02/2015 at 10:11pm - misc - by whatajerk (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#21329587
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (1981)

On 01/02/2015 at 8:46pm - love - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)



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