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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

#21515762
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14321) - you deserved it (26360)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

#21515729
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22718) - you deserved it (1311)

On 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after being in a committed relationship for five years, I just found out that my girlfriend's parents have no idea that we are together. She says she "forgot" to tell them. FML

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

#21515569
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15516) - you deserved it (14704)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (19197)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

#21515129
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22538) - you deserved it (1442)

On 01/14/2016 at 9:31am - money - by FuckedOver (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

#21514912
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20972) - you deserved it (1364)

On 01/13/2016 at 9:08pm - animals - by TooFlamingHot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

#21514581
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19766) - you deserved it (1065)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:54am - misc - by NeedsANewApartment (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (6517)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

#21514245
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (1337)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:24am - work - by Talis (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

#21514057
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19025) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/11/2016 at 6:15pm - work - by DookDaSpook (man) - United States (California)

 Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

#21513970
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/11/2016 at 1:03pm - misc - by JoseIsAdork (man) - United States (New York)



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