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Man or woman?

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

#21453336
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27826) - you deserved it (3081)

On 08/08/2015 at 12:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

#21453197
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22151) - you deserved it (4607)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (1698)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

#21453118
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21125) - you deserved it (4961)

On 08/07/2015 at 11:16am - work - by not telling you my name (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

#21453082
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22348) - you deserved it (5684)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

#21452951
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23982) - you deserved it (2868)

On 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

#21452435
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22026) - you deserved it (2709)

On 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm - love - by still single (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

#21452227
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (1685)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by thekyledavid (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

#21451804
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (2793)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:06pm - work - by ksa (man) - Poland (Slaskie)

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

#21450797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (2178)

On 08/02/2015 at 9:32am - work - by FUCKFACECUNT (man) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23822) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)



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