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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15463) - you deserved it (34486)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28931) - you deserved it (2914)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33649) - you deserved it (6805)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29955) - you deserved it (2869)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31033) - you deserved it (3361)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36046) - you deserved it (10986)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36719) - you deserved it (2930)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32053) - you deserved it (3023)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (7437)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33120) - you deserved it (5633)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35724) - you deserved it (3573)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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