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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

#10643
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42749) - you deserved it (1995)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by CB4 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

#10323
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (7059)

On 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by Craig (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

#10022
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8113) - you deserved it (40451)

On 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Kevin (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

#9285
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35451) - you deserved it (9194)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47727) - you deserved it (16895)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47445) - you deserved it (2321)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

#8528
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31610) - you deserved it (2092)

On 02/04/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by 918boyz (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

#8388
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50041) - you deserved it (9180)

On 02/04/2009 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by medstudent (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21283) - you deserved it (40533)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

#7894
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by disgusting (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

#7876
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (31283)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:44am - health - by Harejordan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8590) - you deserved it (28796)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)



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