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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

#14357
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29955) - you deserved it (6080)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by scatter00x (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

#14349
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30901) - you deserved it (10151)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Misunderstood (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

#14117
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (36587)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by lilzoot (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

#14095
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (5346)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by dinosaur (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

#13889
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11627) - you deserved it (22584)

On 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm - misc - by tarheels526 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

#13786
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33927) - you deserved it (2372)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by max (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

#13743
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (3673)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:02pm - misc - by ChoirGuy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

#12896
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32643) - you deserved it (4800)

On 02/07/2009 at 2:23am - misc - by paradox (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

#12756
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21762) - you deserved it (5154)

On 02/07/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Flubber (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (26185)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

#12081
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35488) - you deserved it (2017)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30394) - you deserved it (11195)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29449) - you deserved it (1956)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)



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