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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

#52066
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8766) - you deserved it (63601)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:01am - misc - by bready (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

#51436
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (9302)

On 02/16/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by dammit_ (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

#51117
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46806) - you deserved it (3102)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

#50610
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13995) - you deserved it (26829)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

#46035
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30381) - you deserved it (9784)

On 02/15/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by charpanda007 (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

#46008
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55091) - you deserved it (3774)

On 02/15/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by andjusticeforall (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

#45910
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you deserved it (79261)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by Mofisto (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

#45880
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39651) - you deserved it (2663)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:12am - misc - by kolgate (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

#45766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9719) - you deserved it (37837)

On 02/15/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by gregoyles (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

#45177
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32471) - you deserved it (4427)

On 02/15/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Salaryman (man) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14691) - you deserved it (32974)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39423) - you deserved it (3543)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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