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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18014) - you deserved it (88275)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54807) - you deserved it (10514)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

#1249093
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12554) - you deserved it (60920)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by edhalen (man) - United States

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

#1246375
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49971) - you deserved it (6033)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:22am - work - by raynbowsend (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54324) - you deserved it (5156)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24736) - you deserved it (75441)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11243) - you deserved it (78141)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

#1226975
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59083) - you deserved it (11966)

On 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

#1225856
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52421) - you deserved it (18272)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:46pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

#1219528
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74993) - you deserved it (7557)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

#1218026
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73322) - you deserved it (5934)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Bo (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53695) - you deserved it (8640)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)



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