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Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

#64211
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60532) - you deserved it (19376)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45178) - you deserved it (3054)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

#60541
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64849) - you deserved it (3488)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by mynameisnotdrew (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

#60108
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66045) - you deserved it (5136)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

#58147
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (7905)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by SADlilAZN (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

#56713
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41377) - you deserved it (11784)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:34pm - love - by iamatthewroberts (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234681) - you deserved it (81897)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

#55512
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (5471)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:26pm - health - by Loot (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9296) - you deserved it (61172)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

#54355
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37274) - you deserved it (4401)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by LonelyInLA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54020) - you deserved it (16174)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

#52319
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11886) - you deserved it (72201)

On 02/16/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by jwz (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

#52066
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8766) - you deserved it (63599)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:01am - misc - by bready (man) - United States (California)



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