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Man or woman?

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16836) - you deserved it (63986)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

#1679798
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:40pm - misc - by soldier (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

#1678195
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46798) - you deserved it (2691)

On 05/05/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

#1677183
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50972) - you deserved it (15529)

On 05/05/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by airborne (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49516) - you deserved it (8720)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (168058) - you deserved it (12430)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

#1653487
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48944) - you deserved it (3644)

On 05/05/2009 at 2:11am - work - by kekumbas (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15167) - you deserved it (92065)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

#1649532
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63261) - you deserved it (4931)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:07am - love - by broke (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20736) - you deserved it (45328)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)



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