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Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62565) - you deserved it (6432)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12007) - you deserved it (68387)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54168) - you deserved it (3777)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91839) - you deserved it (6886)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

#96443
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43927) - you deserved it (11562)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7829) - you deserved it (44691)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

#94362
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44768) - you deserved it (11361)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:30am - love - by schellbytheseashore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81052) - you deserved it (7353)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

#92040
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42734) - you deserved it (2864)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:42pm - love - by batman123 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16636) - you deserved it (23707)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

#91860
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41206) - you deserved it (3446)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Dale (man) - Costa Rica (San Jose)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17245) - you deserved it (113171)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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