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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

#12896
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32540) - you deserved it (4796)

On 02/07/2009 at 2:23am - misc - by paradox (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

#12756
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (5150)

On 02/07/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Flubber (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20862) - you deserved it (26121)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

#12081
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35087) - you deserved it (1988)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30335) - you deserved it (11179)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29369) - you deserved it (1952)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10974) - you deserved it (44651)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

#10699
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6780) - you deserved it (30474)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:56pm - misc - by Foot In Mouth (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

#10643
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42670) - you deserved it (1990)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by CB4 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

#10323
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22860) - you deserved it (7049)

On 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by Craig (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

#10022
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8100) - you deserved it (40393)

On 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Kevin (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

#9285
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35374) - you deserved it (9177)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you deserved it (16878)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)



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