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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

#35636
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35365) - you deserved it (7286)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by buster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17591) - you deserved it (38656)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39389) - you deserved it (1869)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25745) - you deserved it (50589)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39805) - you deserved it (4742)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

#30362
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12067) - you deserved it (34012)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by KWM (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

#30294
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42878) - you deserved it (12752)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by thegoldenboy3 (man) - Spain (Andalucia)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (48701)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

#29912
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (161812) - you deserved it (47383)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by alhummel21 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML

#29316
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38078) - you deserved it (4155)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46427) - you deserved it (5546)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

#26811
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56190) - you deserved it (2129)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by EKG (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

#24806
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59469) - you deserved it (3063)

On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)



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