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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46372) - you deserved it (5544)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

#26811
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56150) - you deserved it (2124)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by EKG (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

#24806
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59423) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML

#24685
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36474) - you deserved it (3935)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:59am - misc - by ADD (man) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

#24461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14352) - you deserved it (27178)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by Crog (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

#24455
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (15364)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

#23513
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12959) - you deserved it (29217)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by tylerlove361 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

#23429
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35669) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by Casper (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37088) - you deserved it (3047)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10867) - you deserved it (68292)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

#20879
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35367) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/10/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by Flavorite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

#20511
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6767) - you deserved it (48273)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)



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