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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39141) - you deserved it (3519)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

#38126
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40244) - you deserved it (3568)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:59pm - intimacy - by Mr. Hopeless (man) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

#37714
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33138) - you deserved it (2462)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:40pm - misc - by samrodpuertorico (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

#36219
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41198) - you deserved it (7538)

On 02/13/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by shinoza (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

#35910
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27251) - you deserved it (34590)

On 02/13/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Kulcha (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

#35828
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30278) - you deserved it (6084)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Tamps (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11534) - you deserved it (39748)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

#35636
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35327) - you deserved it (7282)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by buster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17560) - you deserved it (38625)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39144) - you deserved it (1858)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25732) - you deserved it (50561)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)



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