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Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50116) - you deserved it (3906)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

#209822
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71009) - you deserved it (7991)

On 03/04/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Damn_her (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70994) - you deserved it (4483)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (41550)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

#206067
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58926) - you deserved it (3026)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by stupidneighbor (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

#205894
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53432) - you deserved it (20726)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by hoovered (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22666) - you deserved it (103346)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

#204015
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44809) - you deserved it (4157)

On 03/04/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by AznKoreanGuy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128341) - you deserved it (6809)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29842) - you deserved it (76995)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

#197450
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73699) - you deserved it (25152)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by camp (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142542) - you deserved it (16141)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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