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Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

#311198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (63873)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by Jonnygiant (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

#301590
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48063) - you deserved it (11571)

On 03/13/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking my friends dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

#298417
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66087) - you deserved it (21030)

On 03/13/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by the_dog_sitter (man) - United States (California)

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

#297200
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10838) - you deserved it (69391)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was on the subway. I have fairly serious OCD, so I avoided holding the poles or handles. All the seats were taken, so I leaned against a wall. At the next stop, an obese, sweaty man got on and grabbed the two poles around me, effectively hugging me. My shirt was wet when he left. FML

#295794
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72430) - you deserved it (5367)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by Anon (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

#290842
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64050) - you deserved it (6843)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by tomtomcutiepoof (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54028) - you deserved it (313028)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

#279633
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54454) - you deserved it (24025)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:01am - work - by Jobless (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

#278978
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72898) - you deserved it (10351)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22654) - you deserved it (73268)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52343) - you deserved it (98135)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

#278452
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (100927)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:09pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

#274093
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71066) - you deserved it (4792)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:46pm - love - by cdick (man) - United States (Virginia)



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