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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

#1342086
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65303) - you deserved it (8149)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44008) - you deserved it (12379)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

#1316635
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53107) - you deserved it (4682)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Gabrielguitar (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

#1314307
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46909) - you deserved it (5115)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

#1312643
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60751) - you deserved it (15764)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:39am - work - by CollegeGrad (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

#1310599
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45629) - you deserved it (4369)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

#1309415
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52944) - you deserved it (2199)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22545) - you deserved it (59254)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

#1306375
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50925) - you deserved it (2924)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Lo_Bolian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

#1303608
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23663) - you deserved it (55788)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

#1299793
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13405) - you deserved it (43937)

On 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by djteller (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

#1292881
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (72167)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

#1292437
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45921) - you deserved it (21286)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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