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Man or woman?

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

#2427031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42062) - you deserved it (8277)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:39am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49673) - you deserved it (4312)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

#2413563
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48961) - you deserved it (4253)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Wade (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18292) - you deserved it (43675)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

#2411169
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57718) - you deserved it (2830)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

#2406815
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49572) - you deserved it (5001)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm - health - by PiZzA_FaCe (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

#2406787
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22532) - you deserved it (46905)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53308) - you deserved it (8661)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

#2398293
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48647) - you deserved it (4560)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by roark0806 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

#2397904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (4298)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

#2395942
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38986) - you deserved it (4658)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:20am - work - by paperbagofdoom (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML



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