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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

#168522
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54902) - you deserved it (4247)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Elis (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81426) - you deserved it (13973)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

#168458
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53330) - you deserved it (6711)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Sdutent (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

#168373
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58311) - you deserved it (3849)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:14am - health - by Swaby (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19125) - you deserved it (121636)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

#163929
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62173) - you deserved it (2793)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:50pm - work - by Grrrrr (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

#163784
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (24279)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AppState (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

#163689
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (329080) - you deserved it (28676)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153823) - you deserved it (13819)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17564) - you deserved it (42926)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15055) - you deserved it (59452)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

#157992
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37404) - you deserved it (11589)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03am - misc - by caswell 1 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

#154769
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62566) - you deserved it (2213)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:05pm - work - by anabolic (man) - United States (Washington)



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