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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (235287) - you deserved it (14785)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

#259923
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69018) - you deserved it (2891)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

#259596
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84008) - you deserved it (26754)

On 03/10/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by deez_nutz (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

#256549
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66915) - you deserved it (2287)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Jong (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

#256127
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138851) - you deserved it (6352)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

#254366
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42633) - you deserved it (5182)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

#254280
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35412) - you deserved it (77106)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18693) - you deserved it (42354)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58084) - you deserved it (2814)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (87595)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90984) - you deserved it (3846)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

#249390
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54053) - you deserved it (3942)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)



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