Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

#504108
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146899) - you deserved it (7111)

On 03/21/2009 at 1:33am - intimacy - by willywonks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
877 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60107) - you deserved it (628069)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

#500940
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63312) - you deserved it (9377)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59766) - you deserved it (4117)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

#492457
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72715) - you deserved it (15630)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:04pm - kids - by daddy-to-be (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

#492434
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56651) - you deserved it (8688)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

#492068
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55819) - you deserved it (7714)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by noname (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got to my underground parking garage at work and saw my boss pulling into a spot. I thought I would show him my reverse parking skills and decided to park beside him. As I was pulling in he opened his door to get out and I smashed into it, nearly running him over. FML

#488683
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14788) - you deserved it (64121)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by mikej1985 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

#488336
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73707) - you deserved it (8449)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

#487128
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88491) - you deserved it (9008)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:08am - animals - by frame (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33610) - you deserved it (135107)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14579) - you deserved it (94224)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

#482680
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11609) - you deserved it (74739)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: