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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

#1193319
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70142) - you deserved it (6616)

On 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

#1189537
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60840) - you deserved it (3006)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:11am - work - by laxguy23 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

#1188952
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41670) - you deserved it (10381)

On 04/21/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Jesus (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

#1188272
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119564) - you deserved it (4798)

On 04/21/2009 at 9:48am - animals - by lylethomes15 (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

#1187689
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54488) - you deserved it (18008)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:52am - misc - by Kaboom (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53110) - you deserved it (8648)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35668) - you deserved it (93126)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51271) - you deserved it (23998)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

#1175700
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46497) - you deserved it (7708)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I work for the local fire department. I had a long call and I was hot and sweaty. I decided to skinny dip in my pool because it was still dark out. Everything went great untill my flood light went on and my dad ran out with a bat. I got smacked in the side with a baseball bat. FML

#1169437
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39323) - you deserved it (5993)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

#1147049
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47468) - you deserved it (5107)

On 04/20/2009 at 4:52am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79177) - you deserved it (3195)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

#1142884
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58996) - you deserved it (4173)

On 04/20/2009 at 12:51am - love - by mildver (man) - Costa Rica (San Jose)



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