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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

#619035
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73988) - you deserved it (11104)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (198892) - you deserved it (31507)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

#618347
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84642) - you deserved it (16062)

On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34177) - you deserved it (124538)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

#617826
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74223) - you deserved it (5655)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10834) - you deserved it (109457)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

#616286
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60747) - you deserved it (4619)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

#615927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15985) - you deserved it (70514)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63477) - you deserved it (26646)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

#598465
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147046) - you deserved it (11588)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by rusty2020 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (81141)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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