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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75445) - you deserved it (4263)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

#642642
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15136) - you deserved it (70566)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55367) - you deserved it (11688)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

#640926
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93186) - you deserved it (5997)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

#640480
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20383) - you deserved it (85937)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17186) - you deserved it (188027)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

#630106
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65297) - you deserved it (26301)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:24pm - money - by Broke (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

#625298
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (161074) - you deserved it (22113)

On 03/26/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by Voice29 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

#622257
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95431) - you deserved it (8300)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by ThanksMom (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

#621353
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61792) - you deserved it (31966)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by johnfrank (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

#620821
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123416) - you deserved it (9263)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

#620278
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26045) - you deserved it (69178)

On 03/26/2009 at 11:42am - kids - by CaoNiMa (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

#619804
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59027) - you deserved it (9314)

On 03/26/2009 at 10:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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