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Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

#409168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89146) - you deserved it (6996)

On 03/17/2009 at 8:16am - money - by Recon (man) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

#408707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39751) - you deserved it (186123)

On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

#407714
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77666) - you deserved it (6374)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:25am - love - by isaacBENNETT (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

#404530
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44407) - you deserved it (27856)

On 03/17/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by Poorfish (man) - United States (California)

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

#402387
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (177159) - you deserved it (8630)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:17pm - work - by Dansonn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

#402157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91139) - you deserved it (2835)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by dxplq876 (man) - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52327) - you deserved it (29067)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (167814) - you deserved it (32290)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50338) - you deserved it (30761)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

#369529
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74122) - you deserved it (13125)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (203761) - you deserved it (31549)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16576) - you deserved it (70243)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
530 comments

I agree, your life sucks (486684) - you deserved it (24207)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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