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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

#1299793
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13328) - you deserved it (43805)

On 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by djteller (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

#1292881
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18526) - you deserved it (72010)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

#1292437
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44794) - you deserved it (19652)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

#1289647
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42714) - you deserved it (35381)

On 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by vinniesuckmadack (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

#1288904
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12162) - you deserved it (59850)

On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

#1288123
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18017) - you deserved it (57425)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

#1285510
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10109) - you deserved it (70173)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38202) - you deserved it (9569)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

#1283082
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46539) - you deserved it (5023)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by dontaskdonttell (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

#1278797
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42298) - you deserved it (6280)

On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

#1274514
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44747) - you deserved it (2875)

On 04/23/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by pleasebackintomycaragain (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

#1268284
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17846) - you deserved it (49862)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

#1259503
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69880) - you deserved it (8091)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)



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