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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

#797956
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94844) - you deserved it (41688)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13027) - you deserved it (138438)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70948) - you deserved it (18380)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

#786946
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70017) - you deserved it (24936)

On 04/03/2009 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

#783275
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73089) - you deserved it (6943)

On 04/03/2009 at 2:40pm - love - by Troy (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

#774654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10101) - you deserved it (83541)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:12pm - work - by Zak (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

#771915
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (233992) - you deserved it (24494)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

#768623
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15657) - you deserved it (62894)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

#766931
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64377) - you deserved it (2992)

On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

#763376
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58611) - you deserved it (28342)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

#761091
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83377) - you deserved it (6407)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:09am - work - by olalala2382 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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