Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

by wetandpantsless / 10/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

by Pwnedofthedead / 10/03/2009 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

by dannyboy1422 / 10/02/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

by ill / 10/02/2009 at 1:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

by abrazama / 10/02/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as 'some weirdo had walked into her house.' I am that weirdo, she wasn't joking. FML

by forgotten / 10/02/2009 at 3:46am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

by asshole / 10/02/2009 at 1:34am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

by catstew / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

by needs_another_loan / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous