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Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87380) - you deserved it (3539)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

#249390
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51797) - you deserved it (3728)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (10709)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50846) - you deserved it (10554)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

#245096
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44791) - you deserved it (36593)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

#239413
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133827) - you deserved it (5846)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:33am - love - by Brad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

#238492
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (51020)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by GrLifeusx (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91700) - you deserved it (17805)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

#232055
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13298) - you deserved it (45175)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

#228564
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10960) - you deserved it (29594)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by 1 Giant Cupcake (man) - United States (California)



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