Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52981) - you deserved it (8638)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35552) - you deserved it (92907)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51153) - you deserved it (23957)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

#1175700
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45121) - you deserved it (7526)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I work for the local fire department. I had a long call and I was hot and sweaty. I decided to skinny dip in my pool because it was still dark out. Everything went great untill my flood light went on and my dad ran out with a bat. I got smacked in the side with a baseball bat. FML

#1169437
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38171) - you deserved it (5865)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

#1147049
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46632) - you deserved it (5003)

On 04/20/2009 at 4:52am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78966) - you deserved it (3182)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

#1142884
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57559) - you deserved it (4062)

On 04/20/2009 at 12:51am - love - by mildver (man) - Costa Rica (San Jose)

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1124762
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40112) - you deserved it (31912)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

#1123097
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53469) - you deserved it (2134)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:48pm - health - by TT (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

#1120494
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104919) - you deserved it (10239)

On 04/19/2009 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

#1108096
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42715) - you deserved it (9697)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by hawaiiansokkrboi (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

#1106901
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10625) - you deserved it (68958)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:03am - money - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Colorado)



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