Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (306199)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML

#1021876
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10123) - you deserved it (86942)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by TheBRADLeyB (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

#1021410
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61567) - you deserved it (8110)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:38pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19734) - you deserved it (53491)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98651) - you deserved it (15014)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

#1012847
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (74353)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by filipinoclari808 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

#1008813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14215) - you deserved it (50855)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:09am - work - by jusfonzin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79445) - you deserved it (6548)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

#993932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60648) - you deserved it (5721)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

#991872
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53091) - you deserved it (5428)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

#989435
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18324) - you deserved it (48663)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17pm - misc - by Insensitive (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

#982369
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17054) - you deserved it (52907)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94983) - you deserved it (38911)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)



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