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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

#1008813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14202) - you deserved it (50841)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:09am - work - by jusfonzin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79417) - you deserved it (6546)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

#993932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60622) - you deserved it (5720)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

#991872
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53055) - you deserved it (5426)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

#989435
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (48640)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17pm - misc - by Insensitive (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

#982369
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17050) - you deserved it (52893)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94942) - you deserved it (38900)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45994) - you deserved it (9939)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

#973952
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30415) - you deserved it (50167)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by blehh (man) - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

#969967
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21126) - you deserved it (54247)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

#966967
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70578) - you deserved it (25363)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17663) - you deserved it (85595)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78651) - you deserved it (3034)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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