Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I finished a fence around my house that I have been working on all week. About an hour after I finished, a water company truck pulled into my driveway. They told me they would have to take down my fence to make repairs on a water pipe. FML

#3854269
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44042) - you deserved it (2752)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out my driver's license was suspended last year for a DUI ticket that wasn't paid. Apparently, someone had used my identity info to avoid the ticket on their record. The cops showed me the guy's picture taken when he was arrested. It was my brother. FML

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55522) - you deserved it (9872)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15622) - you deserved it (48979)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

#3848671
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40378) - you deserved it (9562)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:45am - work - by Rawf (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

#3838963
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44967) - you deserved it (4161)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11431) - you deserved it (99667)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

#3834940
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36638) - you deserved it (2758)

On 07/17/2009 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

#3830576
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (92626)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by anonamous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

#3826927
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40321) - you deserved it (7098)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:07am - work - by mrmatt008 (man) - France

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

#3799084
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39274) - you deserved it (12687)

On 07/16/2009 at 11:02am - kids - by porkeater (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

#3797001
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49154) - you deserved it (3796)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:00am - work - by bowhuntpa (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

#3793812
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42719) - you deserved it (6072)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by joking0303 (man) - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: