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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

#1414687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22676) - you deserved it (41674)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:50am - love - by Mikey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

#1411450
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44817) - you deserved it (11707)

On 04/28/2009 at 12:35am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105713) - you deserved it (8224)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys... the whole bit. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML

#1386649
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46825) - you deserved it (7733)

On 04/27/2009 at 8:52am - animals - by achoo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. We went out for dinner to catch up, and we ended up at my house, watching movies and cuddling. This fantastic and spontaneous date was concluded with several kisses. I dropped her off at her car and drove off. I forgot to get her number. FML

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

#1383069
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69350) - you deserved it (14997)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

#1381561
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45487) - you deserved it (3059)

On 04/27/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after driving a few hours late at night I decided to entertain the car tailgating me by not letting him pass. After doing this for 3miles, reaching 93MPH, I decided to let the car pass me. When I switched lanes, the car tailgating me light up in red and blue. It was a cop. FML

#1363713
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9910) - you deserved it (88036)

On 04/26/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML

#1358380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50414) - you deserved it (9611)

On 04/26/2009 at 3:15pm - love - by jimboxo (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

#1353453
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57539) - you deserved it (12178)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by fuckMYlife94321 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

#1342086
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63582) - you deserved it (7936)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43774) - you deserved it (12334)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

#1316635
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52893) - you deserved it (4656)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Gabrielguitar (man) - United States (Florida)



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