Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

#958764
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60528) - you deserved it (6858)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

#952639
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38251) - you deserved it (52813)

On 04/13/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by italy1986 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

#951533
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15487) - you deserved it (72896)

On 04/13/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by snathans (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146708) - you deserved it (21555)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

#945655
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69235) - you deserved it (12817)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by traveller (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

#943953
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63567) - you deserved it (3538)

On 04/13/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by TrueStories (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

#942565
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64362) - you deserved it (10517)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

#942403
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72042) - you deserved it (4269)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by LeftOut (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

#932548
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (145779) - you deserved it (9200)

On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

#929724
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68197) - you deserved it (11697)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

#927361
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96182) - you deserved it (4563)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)



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