Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

#973952
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29136) - you deserved it (48663)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by blehh (man) - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

#969967
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19955) - you deserved it (52274)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

#966967
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68678) - you deserved it (24773)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16795) - you deserved it (83514)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74709) - you deserved it (2716)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

#965194
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79463) - you deserved it (7767)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

#964026
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65343) - you deserved it (3908)

On 04/14/2009 at 2:13am - work - by Bob (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

#963370
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17031) - you deserved it (63179)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

#958764
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56650) - you deserved it (6420)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

#952639
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37805) - you deserved it (52311)

On 04/13/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by italy1986 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

#951533
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14566) - you deserved it (70816)

On 04/13/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by snathans (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: