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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

#663425
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100885) - you deserved it (3811)

On 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

#662645
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25250) - you deserved it (74214)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

#661204
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50724) - you deserved it (32377)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by enriquegay (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

#657715
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63255) - you deserved it (11779)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:07am - love - by Anon. (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131505) - you deserved it (5738)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

#656486
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46564) - you deserved it (21484)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by justinherass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

#654050
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58207) - you deserved it (6390)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:40pm - love - by dumpedattheclub (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

#653813
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45974) - you deserved it (4654)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - misc - by Anonymity (man) - Canada

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

#651066
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (71131)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71355) - you deserved it (3916)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

#642642
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13576) - you deserved it (66901)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53020) - you deserved it (10879)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

#640926
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90384) - you deserved it (5751)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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