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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

#1471492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47821) - you deserved it (3778)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:42pm - health - by tinfoilnirvana (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11015) - you deserved it (73211)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18544) - you deserved it (89299)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

#1453860
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148506) - you deserved it (11844)

On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63403) - you deserved it (28814)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

#1453459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19190) - you deserved it (46327)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

#1449103
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43538) - you deserved it (5609)

On 04/29/2009 at 4:06am - health - by Jake (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

#1448827
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16513) - you deserved it (58000)

On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

#1446877
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52916) - you deserved it (13696)

On 04/29/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by PoopTart (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

#1432736
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44386) - you deserved it (4737)

On 04/28/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by My_Cow_kiM (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

#1427967
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15374) - you deserved it (56015)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20261) - you deserved it (57275)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

#1416648
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21424) - you deserved it (225973)

On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)



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