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Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

#1653487
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45752) - you deserved it (3361)

On 05/05/2009 at 2:11am - work - by kekumbas (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15016) - you deserved it (91418)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

#1649532
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59822) - you deserved it (4636)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:07am - love - by broke (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18982) - you deserved it (43135)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18420) - you deserved it (58589)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

#1627759
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60419) - you deserved it (4417)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by hurts (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

#1617727
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47621) - you deserved it (4744)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by kraussy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
514 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97098) - you deserved it (267268)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

#1611269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (21008)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by supermanj76 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (268105) - you deserved it (17544)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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