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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66142) - you deserved it (5380)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

#4234116
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9814) - you deserved it (49502)

On 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

#4228843
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55036) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by kashish0711 (man) - India (Chandigarh)

Today, I missed my flight. Why? My niece thought it would be funny to empty out my suitcase and hide inside. FML

#4226931
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51454) - you deserved it (3522)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Inch'on-jikhalsi)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10657) - you deserved it (68365)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

#4222573
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52228) - you deserved it (5693)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:11am - love - by Devin (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

#4222562
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47046) - you deserved it (3902)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18404) - you deserved it (44291)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67343) - you deserved it (15400)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

#4200771
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42147) - you deserved it (7592)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:23am - intimacy - by Glassjaw (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

#4196733
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59922) - you deserved it (2603)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

#4192462
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66711) - you deserved it (4289)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm - work - by mandy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

#4180457
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54082) - you deserved it (6088)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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