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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

#755520
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (71643)

On 04/01/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Casino (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

#754316
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27740) - you deserved it (48104)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by jalapenos99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

#754264
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55116) - you deserved it (10512)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by Nutless (man) - United States (New York)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49492) - you deserved it (64756)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

#742814
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57898) - you deserved it (15003)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:16am - intimacy - by easilyexited (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

#742330
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69374) - you deserved it (2562)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78120) - you deserved it (13673)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46075) - you deserved it (11031)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15735) - you deserved it (59637)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24397) - you deserved it (53946)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

#738604
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61855) - you deserved it (8230)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:04am - love - by internetadvice (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

#736026
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51472) - you deserved it (3763)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

#731686
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57354) - you deserved it (5362)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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