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Man or woman?

Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML

#2201363
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42669) - you deserved it (5898)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43624) - you deserved it (2281)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42789) - you deserved it (5588)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

#2182938
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83458) - you deserved it (10227)

On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39986) - you deserved it (11693)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32367) - you deserved it (12458)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

#2175107
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12006) - you deserved it (43654)

On 05/22/2009 at 8:09am - work - by bigblue51 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

#2173633
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42687) - you deserved it (2464)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

#2170558
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12397) - you deserved it (40303)

On 05/22/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by dummy (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60263) - you deserved it (4766)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

#2161329
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (7699)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69288) - you deserved it (6179)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19626) - you deserved it (70086)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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