Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

by JimmySmoothBeans / 10/21/2009 at 8:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

by Pissed / 10/21/2009 at 6:05am / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Money

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

by sore / 10/21/2009 at 4:27am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

by acneface / 10/21/2009 at 2:59am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

by Small_Fry_Hero / 10/21/2009 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Love

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

by FingerBang / 10/21/2009 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

by wrongtarget / 10/21/2009 at 1:40am / United States / Work

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

by wtfrelationship / 10/21/2009 at 12:07am / Singapore / Love

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

by Timebaseboy / 10/21/2009 at 12:06am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

by badnewsbears / 10/20/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

by Raiders4ever / 10/20/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

by FailedEngineer / 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

by ShayanFCB / 10/20/2009 at 3:35pm / United States (New York) / Work