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Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

#1861199
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46258) - you deserved it (2962)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Lex (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

#1858879
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50028) - you deserved it (15442)

On 05/11/2009 at 9:25pm - love - by ConnorFails (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

#1852747
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51246) - you deserved it (10479)

On 05/11/2009 at 7:14pm - money - by omgfmlhard (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML

#1844293
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131950) - you deserved it (8604)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58299) - you deserved it (2996)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49411) - you deserved it (9115)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

#1838919
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58509) - you deserved it (6386)

On 05/11/2009 at 8:08am - intimacy - by BlueBallMcGee (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91996) - you deserved it (4994)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

#1836224
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52565) - you deserved it (5078)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

#1834550
641 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91894) - you deserved it (8374)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

#1833844
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14418) - you deserved it (46549)

On 05/11/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by lostintellct (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

#1830985
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8223) - you deserved it (92055)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML

#1818781
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58753) - you deserved it (5693)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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