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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24732) - you deserved it (60478)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

#4346574
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75266) - you deserved it (6881)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

#4344538
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43360) - you deserved it (8498)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

#4344107
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41632) - you deserved it (7067)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm - work - by Jacky-Boy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

#4343153
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63395) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:41pm - work - by smiletellsall (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

#4332975
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51767) - you deserved it (4642)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by daddysboy123 (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62641) - you deserved it (3122)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65976) - you deserved it (12028)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

#4328474
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24955) - you deserved it (38377)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

#4324727
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48847) - you deserved it (3465)

On 08/06/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Lawrence (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121616) - you deserved it (4906)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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