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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15206) - you deserved it (69598)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

#2110420
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50534) - you deserved it (9147)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Cantswim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42957) - you deserved it (13791)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69890) - you deserved it (6523)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint? She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12 inch ham sub. FML

#2104597
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56647) - you deserved it (4077)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:37am - love - by Richie (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18652) - you deserved it (88099)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML

#2100756
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (5729)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

#2080741
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20468) - you deserved it (40773)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17298) - you deserved it (65790)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

#2074283
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70688) - you deserved it (3776)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Sam (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13296) - you deserved it (52841)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

#2073712
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62475) - you deserved it (4331)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

#2073535
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46708) - you deserved it (2501)

On 05/19/2009 at 3:46am - work - by AntSimo (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)



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