Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

#2129395
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (8060)

On 05/20/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by Sam (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

#2128270
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46058) - you deserved it (5699)

On 05/20/2009 at 9:50pm - love - by chickennoodlesoup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16833) - you deserved it (57904)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

#2116644
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63035) - you deserved it (3492)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15255) - you deserved it (40745)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48329) - you deserved it (3575)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

#2114829
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45726) - you deserved it (6814)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:53pm - misc - by Benji (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15207) - you deserved it (69593)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

#2110420
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50532) - you deserved it (9147)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Cantswim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42955) - you deserved it (13790)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69887) - you deserved it (6522)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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