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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

#1520851
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53497) - you deserved it (18574)

On 05/01/2009 at 10:28am - intimacy - by badluckdrew (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

#1519871
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50880) - you deserved it (2751)

On 05/01/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by DudeManBro69 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

#1510421
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33938) - you deserved it (13190)

On 04/30/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Wouldntitbeniceif (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

#1500727
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56118) - you deserved it (8403)

On 04/30/2009 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14102) - you deserved it (81604)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

#1487277
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49833) - you deserved it (9817)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

#1487200
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51047) - you deserved it (3399)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

#1479670
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12220) - you deserved it (46367)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

#1471492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45200) - you deserved it (3531)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:42pm - health - by tinfoilnirvana (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8982) - you deserved it (58092)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16199) - you deserved it (83980)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

#1453860
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147309) - you deserved it (11690)

On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60052) - you deserved it (27587)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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