Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

#5479094
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17410) - you deserved it (66286)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:34am - love - by bigdawg702 (man) - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

#5470398
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10266) - you deserved it (52152)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by MyLyfeSux (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML

#5465384
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39281) - you deserved it (6780)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

#5464922
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13112) - you deserved it (45138)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

#5464721
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38384) - you deserved it (8262)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:01am - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21463) - you deserved it (6145)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (3301)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (25163)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going at a big concert in my university. I paid around a hundred-twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

#5457566
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32642) - you deserved it (13011)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by akosirm (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

#5450492
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49994) - you deserved it (4507)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm - money - by shouldagone2work (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65617) - you deserved it (2781)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

#5442113
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10875) - you deserved it (42378)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:24am - money - by fme (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

#5441571
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39983) - you deserved it (13276)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: