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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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yesterday I fell asleephile lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get attention 4 five minutes. mega FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5773) - you deserved it (62317)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Yesterday, I woke up finding myself violently humping mah pillow. My mom recordd it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63000) - you deserved it (12222)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I lookd in my pocket 4 te pone number of a girl I met last nigt at a party. I rememberd us talking an excanging pone numbers. Wen I found te piece of paper, I discoverd tat instead of writing er number down, I ad drunkenly written down my own. FML

#3471774
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9382) - you deserved it (42939)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:54am - love - by mrdave (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today... I woke up and decidd to get te morning paper... I went outside wit bat robe on and wen I leand down looool to get paper bat robe cummd undone. Apparently everyone on street saw it and decidd to bring up public nudity at te next neigborood meeting. FML

#3457925
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33287) - you deserved it (8781)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by Embarresedguy (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at tha park with a friand whan I said ( Gotta go, sorry. I'va got court in an hour. ) Tha lady on tha banch naxt to us than loudly complainad how disgusting I was 4 baing a criminal and thraw har bird saad at ma, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyar with a casa in an hour, not a criminal. FML

#3457601
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50706) - you deserved it (3559)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I Was Holding A Yard Sale . A Man Cummd Up To Me An Askd If He Could Buy A Pair Of Rd An White Sneaker That I'd Found In Mah Attic An Had Never Worn . Five Bucks Later, He Was Walking Away With What I Now Realize Was The Pair Of Shoes Signd By Michael Jordan Given To Me By Mah Uncle . FML

#3455804
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13147) - you deserved it (72386)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by capcha (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

2day I found some Nesquick Cocolate Milk mix in ma pantry wic sounded good. Wile making a glass... I got angry because not all of te mix would disolve. Frustrated... I downed te drink. Wen I finised I looked in te glass and realized te mix tat wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

#3437609
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41801) - you deserved it (15781)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by ChocoMilkManG (man) - United States

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it an return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat fir a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere an I had to clean the mess. FML

#3435644
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55788) - you deserved it (2599)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my sistar just had a huga fight with my mom. Aftar that, sha thought it was appropriata to looool smash my $1,000 guitar to "blow off soma staam." FML

#3428912
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69632) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by daRN (man) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

TODAY, I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE WITH MY PARENTS. THEY WERE BOTH ON THE BED, AND I WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO THIER BED. HALFWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE, APPARENTLY FORGETTING THAT I WAS IN THE ROOM, MY PARENT STARTED GETTING FRIENDLY. THREE FEET AWAY FROM ME. FML

#3421405
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62117) - you deserved it (4413)

On 07/02/2009 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Ghostie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refusd to leave, I grabbd a baseball bat and they spd off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors fir drug trafficking. I had threatend cops. FML

#3419869
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47622) - you deserved it (10756)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I looool went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separatd after ahile, and I spottd my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slappd him on the back of the head. The kid turnd around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. mega FML

#3416455
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11693) - you deserved it (43482)

On 07/02/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Kronic (man) - United States (California)

Yesterday , mah wife tried to catch the bouquet at mah sister's wedding!! Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that , and she replied "I know"!! My wife told me that she was divorcing me at mah sister's wedding!! FML

#3407899
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51737) - you deserved it (2273)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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