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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18590) - you deserved it (56425)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

#2556121
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39068) - you deserved it (14842)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I flew from Chicago to San Francisco to get some of my stuff out of a storage unit. I left the keys for the padlock at home. FML

#2530639
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19490) - you deserved it (48347)

On 06/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by Tom (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85485) - you deserved it (7055)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66126) - you deserved it (5988)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

#2524291
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9909) - you deserved it (56169)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:39am - animals - by xacked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52504) - you deserved it (6031)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

#2501492
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41176) - you deserved it (3630)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

#2499488
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118892) - you deserved it (6597)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by baron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

#2498639
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75268) - you deserved it (5309)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

#2496205
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58171) - you deserved it (6721)

On 06/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by TeeJay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

#2482852
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48573) - you deserved it (7692)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)



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