Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

by sad_dad / 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2009 at 10:58am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

by Oops / 10/24/2009 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I found a dead puppy in my backyard. I have never owned any pets. FML

by WhyMe / 10/23/2009 at 10:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

by lloydLO / 10/23/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

by iross / 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

by abdominates / 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

by E.S. / 10/23/2009 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

by efmylife / 10/23/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

by Leash / 10/23/2009 at 12:22am / United States (South Carolina) / Animals

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

by JC / 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

by JustEwww / 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

by roadrage / 10/22/2009 at 9:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation