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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60164) - you deserved it (4758)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

#2161329
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31134) - you deserved it (7563)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69178) - you deserved it (6174)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19590) - you deserved it (69969)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

#2144492
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (14638)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

#2138736
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10441) - you deserved it (74172)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by boyo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

#2138443
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44597) - you deserved it (7778)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:11am - love - by astraboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

#2135843
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46593) - you deserved it (8121)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

#2134167
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17127) - you deserved it (60291)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

#2129395
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36569) - you deserved it (8054)

On 05/20/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by Sam (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

#2128270
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46012) - you deserved it (5698)

On 05/20/2009 at 9:50pm - love - by chickennoodlesoup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16811) - you deserved it (57868)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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