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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73095) - you deserved it (3172)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

#3156844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41269) - you deserved it (4810)

On 06/23/2009 at 9:28pm - kids - by lumi (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

#3155973
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47596) - you deserved it (9067)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Jerf (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44151) - you deserved it (3404)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26426) - you deserved it (77663)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52939) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

#3137998
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42340) - you deserved it (4555)

On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

#3137547
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39481) - you deserved it (4553)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

#3134533
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34238) - you deserved it (23724)

On 06/22/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by MrZhang (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

#3122883
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40900) - you deserved it (3868)

On 06/22/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by Goldo (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

#3117868
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39567) - you deserved it (17254)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

#3117856
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13149) - you deserved it (75449)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

#3115220
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55900) - you deserved it (6606)

On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore



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