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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

#2456065
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38570) - you deserved it (23299)

On 05/31/2009 at 2:46am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

#2454522
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43183) - you deserved it (7563)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by T-Shain (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

#2451149
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47492) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

#2431161
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16176) - you deserved it (52991)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by eayers2689 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

#2429850
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52366) - you deserved it (2592)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

#2427031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41644) - you deserved it (8232)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:39am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47417) - you deserved it (4107)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

#2413563
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (4064)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Wade (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16730) - you deserved it (41151)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

#2411169
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54214) - you deserved it (2581)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

#2406815
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46501) - you deserved it (4687)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm - health - by PiZzA_FaCe (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

#2406787
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (44628)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49919) - you deserved it (8227)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)



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