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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

#3500030
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48226) - you deserved it (7957)

On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

#3496673
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76933) - you deserved it (4130)

On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

#3485353
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11384) - you deserved it (57971)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

#3484345
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53896) - you deserved it (5192)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by BrokenHearted (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

#3483352
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34923) - you deserved it (2653)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

#3479311
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45569) - you deserved it (9174)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by JSeth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5755) - you deserved it (62147)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62828) - you deserved it (12204)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

#3471774
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9132) - you deserved it (42224)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:54am - love - by mrdave (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

#3457925
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (8767)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by Embarresedguy (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

#3457601
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49126) - you deserved it (3443)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

#3455804
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12511) - you deserved it (70636)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by capcha (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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