Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (2241)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

#5113950
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22640) - you deserved it (44788)

On 09/07/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by c-mack (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

#5110537
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36450) - you deserved it (6176)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

#5107087
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13057) - you deserved it (74450)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

#5107055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52119) - you deserved it (7480)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm - kids - by Waheyyy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15157) - you deserved it (53586)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

#5096534
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40158) - you deserved it (2321)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:04am - work - by SapphireRaven (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

#5096341
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50680) - you deserved it (6732)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Ballshurt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8760) - you deserved it (65127)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34499) - you deserved it (11472)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60292) - you deserved it (8910)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48064) - you deserved it (3740)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

#5076541
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (7147)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)



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