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Man or woman?

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

#1830985
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7122) - you deserved it (86229)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML

#1818781
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57227) - you deserved it (5515)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64328) - you deserved it (2452)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

#1807200
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71679) - you deserved it (11381)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

#1806338
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11351) - you deserved it (31036)

On 05/10/2009 at 6:23am - work - by chocofreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

#1800346
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55162) - you deserved it (5341)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (2777)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

#1793303
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27497) - you deserved it (44778)

On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22203) - you deserved it (76851)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

#1782445
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39274) - you deserved it (4341)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by jonboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32917) - you deserved it (21546)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

#1774504
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49367) - you deserved it (6512)

On 05/09/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Troms)



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