Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML

by NYCguy / 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 9:33pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

by maximus / 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

by snorlax / 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

by kappaomicron / 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

by haus / 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

by PiMan / 01/19/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

by magicalDEATH / 01/19/2010 at 12:42pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

by Samaritan / 01/19/2010 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Transportation

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

by mcdman / 01/19/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

by SadMan / 01/18/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous