Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

by busrides / 12/24/2009 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML

by LonelySanta / 12/24/2009 at 3:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

by homeless4Christmas / 12/24/2009 at 12:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Holidays

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

by jordigs / 12/23/2009 at 3:46am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

by sleepy / 12/23/2009 at 12:05am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

by Chris / 12/23/2009 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

by Brian / 12/22/2009 at 9:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

by shallowvomit1013 / 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

by blumaster04 / 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

by funyfunkid / 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

by todayJman03 / 12/22/2009 at 8:03am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous