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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (3134)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27182) - you deserved it (4854)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

#6116013
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46420) - you deserved it (3003)

On 11/02/2009 at 6:05am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

#6114528
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32995) - you deserved it (2688)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:47am - health - by theRoomie (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

#6113652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30163) - you deserved it (3872)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

#6108981
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (14355)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Oops (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

#6108468
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8593) - you deserved it (50301)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by terry (man) - United States (California)

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

#6105149
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23917) - you deserved it (5371)

On 11/01/2009 at 5:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

#6102050
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (2637)

On 11/01/2009 at 2:02pm - love - by H4rd_Man (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

#6101041
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28798) - you deserved it (3191)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML

#6100945
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (6629)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13937) - you deserved it (48883)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37541) - you deserved it (3319)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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