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Man or woman?

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48787) - you deserved it (20748)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

#2963947
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28117) - you deserved it (5986)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:12am - health - by Broken (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

#2963863
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48066) - you deserved it (9263)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:06am - love - by yashmoshin1 (man) - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

#2959726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39726) - you deserved it (4708)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by visn (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

#2958719
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23707) - you deserved it (9286)

On 06/16/2009 at 11:42pm - work - by stuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

#2955411
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (72352)

On 06/16/2009 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by MisterSeth (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

#2940204
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60173) - you deserved it (5742)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45505) - you deserved it (32127)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

#2937594
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31904) - you deserved it (4213)

On 06/16/2009 at 10:59am - work - by yuen (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

#2935439
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45816) - you deserved it (11350)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:49am - misc - by Unlucky (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72754) - you deserved it (5387)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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