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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

#3176908
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46736) - you deserved it (27496)

On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

#3172918
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34816) - you deserved it (9137)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:37pm - work - by ArmyMan (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

#3171595
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17707) - you deserved it (100598)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by steven (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

#3168193
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65137) - you deserved it (2534)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:59am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

#3165947
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26661) - you deserved it (60048)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by jerk (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72933) - you deserved it (3163)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

#3156844
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41141) - you deserved it (4800)

On 06/23/2009 at 9:28pm - kids - by lumi (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

#3155973
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46526) - you deserved it (8883)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Jerf (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44041) - you deserved it (3400)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (77516)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52813) - you deserved it (3947)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

#3137998
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42252) - you deserved it (4546)

On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

#3137547
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38985) - you deserved it (4510)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States



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