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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

#2906195
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34426) - you deserved it (12285)

On 06/15/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by shaverguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

#2905430
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51854) - you deserved it (3495)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:45am - misc - by ZAS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

#2903114
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14304) - you deserved it (87978)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:42am - love - by gabe8 (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

#2900740
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7874) - you deserved it (55193)

On 06/15/2009 at 12:13am - work - by damgoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

#2900113
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16258) - you deserved it (48326)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

#2894787
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58259) - you deserved it (2908)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by bitches. (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

#2890186
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44908) - you deserved it (23401)

On 06/14/2009 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by HatedbyBras (man) - Netherlands

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

#2887279
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53427) - you deserved it (2606)

On 06/14/2009 at 3:14pm - work - by Dominic (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

#2885254
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43639) - you deserved it (3423)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

#2885124
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38462) - you deserved it (4435)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by FML1994 (man) - United States (California)

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15037) - you deserved it (46171)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

#2881369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13196) - you deserved it (37277)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:16am - money - by LordAdam (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

#2881104
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29284) - you deserved it (53046)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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