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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was going out the glass doors leaving, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors smashing my head. I'd seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

#3228073
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29725) - you deserved it (10630)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

#3215628
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61653) - you deserved it (9645)

On 06/25/2009 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

#3215431
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73165) - you deserved it (6316)

On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

#3211870
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33346) - you deserved it (69912)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

#3207933
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51279) - you deserved it (6861)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

#3203701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44134) - you deserved it (2665)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm - work - by KP (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

#3201910
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33492) - you deserved it (11210)

On 06/25/2009 at 10:13am - work - by KN (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32255) - you deserved it (7366)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

#3199012
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (50364)

On 06/25/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by Noj12345 (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13516) - you deserved it (65227)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30404) - you deserved it (6541)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

#3186990
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44997) - you deserved it (4822)

On 06/24/2009 at 9:15pm - love - by fml7458364838 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

#3179534
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12979) - you deserved it (65595)

On 06/24/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by Whoops (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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