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Man or woman?

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

#4027991
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43665) - you deserved it (3971)

On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

#4026463
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11523) - you deserved it (41608)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:13am - love - by lonely (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

#4020184
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49901) - you deserved it (3258)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Jake (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

#4002838
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44519) - you deserved it (2362)

On 07/24/2009 at 10:56am - love - by dantheman (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70590) - you deserved it (7030)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

#3994466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39633) - you deserved it (7792)

On 07/24/2009 at 12:18am - love - by masterofblues (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

#3984590
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49580) - you deserved it (10000)

On 07/23/2009 at 6:09pm - love - by simon (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

#3983429
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46807) - you deserved it (3626)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

#3980523
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49415) - you deserved it (5861)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:16pm - love - by tubedout (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

#3973992
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36081) - you deserved it (5129)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:45am - health - by SBT1030 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55438) - you deserved it (7931)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

#3971516
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51082) - you deserved it (3918)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)



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