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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44561) - you deserved it (31628)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

#2937594
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29080) - you deserved it (3908)

On 06/16/2009 at 10:59am - work - by yuen (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

#2935439
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43745) - you deserved it (10757)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:49am - misc - by Unlucky (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65581) - you deserved it (4244)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

#2929897
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35552) - you deserved it (3188)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by JustAGiftCardPlease (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

#2929763
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12540) - you deserved it (60698)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:35am - love - by Aerostar (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

#2925389
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77914) - you deserved it (5327)

On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

#2912721
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42689) - you deserved it (9531)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by WetPhone (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

#2911637
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43030) - you deserved it (6557)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

#2907307
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41999) - you deserved it (2661)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by bronzemedal97 (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

#2906688
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42362) - you deserved it (2881)

On 06/15/2009 at 6:07am - animals - by Tom (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

#2906195
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33881) - you deserved it (12154)

On 06/15/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by shaverguy (man) - United States (California)



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